I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
