and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
