Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
