you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
