she was so not down for the gang bang
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Damn victory sex feels great
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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