It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
