Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
