They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
