when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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