im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
