You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
