No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
