I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
