C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think i have two assholes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
