So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
