just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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