K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
