dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
