In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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