Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
