We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
