careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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