last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
