We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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