It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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