I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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