He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
