I would go down on you faster than GM stock
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
