i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
try to milk me bitch
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