so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the condom got lost in my hair
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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