Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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