i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
