i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
