Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
