Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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