i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
