I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
