I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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