Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Randomize
