i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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