We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
