did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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