I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
