i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
