I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
