Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do herpes really smell.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
