I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
