I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
