i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
