We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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