During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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