Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
