yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
