so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
