I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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